What is FRAME Control? And MISTAKES to avoid falling into Her Frame

You would have heard phrases like “Control the Frame” or “Not Fall into Her Frame”. But what exactly is “FRAME CONTROL” and how do you control yourself from falling into her Frame? Let’s jump in.

What is Frame Control?

In simple terms, you can understand it as Controlling the “direction of the conversation”. It is the social skill of knowing whether you want to accept the topic which other person has introduced or not, and if not, then how can you smoothly change to the topic which is better for you.

It means having the social awareness to recognize the underlying meaning of a social interaction, and having the skill to influence the interaction in a way that benefits you.

Good Frame Control: “I choose the topic, I don’t let you choose the topic”.

If you’re letting the other person choose the topic, you’re falling into their frame.

How to Not Fall into their Frame?

Not just women, people in general test you time to time (Sh!t Tests), to assess whether you’re strong enough or do you easily fall into their frame.

How do they do it? They ask you a question or make a statement which portrays you as the weak character in the scene.

Mistakes which you need to avoid:

Mistake No. 1: “Answer the question”

The first rule of Frame Control is “You don’t have to answer the question asked”. When you recognize that the other person is asking a question that demeans you, never answer the question.

Mistake No. 2: “Get Offended”

Getting offended by their statement makes you weak and vulnerable. This (1) validates that the other person is actually correct, and (2) gives the other person your weak point which he/she can use in future as well. You need to keep yourself calm. Do NOT react emotionally.

Mistake No. 3: “Justifying Yourself”

This is similar to the above 2 mistakes. When you give explanations about why or how you did what you did, you’re actually falling into their frame. You don’t have to explain anything.

What you can do:

You can flip the focus back on the other person. Frame that person as jealous, insecure, angry, overthinker etc.

1. You can subtly put a “cross question”, but make sure it SHOULD NOT SHOW that you got offended (Mistake 2). By putting a cross question, you are inherently displaying that you don’t choose the topic they started. The question can be unrelated as well.

2. You can “humorously make a remark” and drift away the topic. The remark should not in any way be a self-deprecating remark.

3. If the other person made a humorous remark at YOUR expense, but it holds truth - acknowledge the humor. Then frame the other person as trying hard to be funny.

4. You can also choose to “ignore the topic completely” and start a new topic, or even ignore that person completely and start communicating with another person (in the group setting).

Let’s take an example. Consider a group setting, say office:

Girl (loudly): Well, look who’s on time today for a change!

Bad Frame Control:

You (apologetically): It’s a long distance from my home and I usually get stuck in traffic, or I was working late last night. (Mistake 1 & 3)

Bad Frame Control:

You (offensively): As if you get here on time daily. (Mistake 2)

Good Frame Control:

You: Are you jealous that I get this advantage? (Framed her as jealous)

Good Frame Control:

You (humorously): Wow, that was a deadly cut! I bet you’ve practiced this whole night, didn’t you? (Humorously accepted the remark and framed her)

Good Frame Control:

You (to third person): Do you also smell something burning around here? (Ignored the girl and framed her as jealous)

I hope you have got a fair understanding how you can control the frame. Now your must practice to keep the Frame under your control.

Women love those men you keep things under their control, and repel to those men who fall in her frame. This is why they keep sh!t testing you to make sure you can handle things.

Keep your frame strong! Until next time……

Your Man,

MMM